I'm bored.. Chuck Norris quotes

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

When god said 'let there be light' Chuck Norris said 'Say please'

Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse, a horse is hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once shot down a plane by pointing at it and yelling "BANG!"

The Guinness Book of world records is just a list of things Chuck Norris hasn't told people that he has done yet.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

When Chuck Norris falls into the ocean, he doesn't get wet. The ocean gets Chuck Norrised.

Chuck Norris can beat a game of Connect Four in only three moves

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table of the elements, because the only element Chuck Norris recognizes is the element of surprise

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity....twice.

When you mention the Virgin Mary to Chuck Norris, he simply laughs and mutters... "Virgin... "

Mr T pitty's the fool, Chuck Norris beats the fools head in.

Chuck Norris has 2 speeds, walk and Kill.

Think of a hot woman, Chuck Norris did her...

Chuck Norris likes married women. If you are married Chuck Norris has slept with your wife.

MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

Police have listed an attack on Chuck Norris as a code 43-11... suicide.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, he's not gay, just out of women.

On a scale of 1-10, Chuck Norris kicks ass.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Chuck Norris can mathematically make two wrongs equal a right.

Did he really say all this? Haven't found any on google.

N

Chuck Norris once was skipping stones on the Jersey shore and killed 9 people in Portugal.

Chuck Norris invented all the colors except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Spiderman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas.

Google "Top 100 Chuck Norris"
Top 100 List

My favourites:

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the frack Chuck Norris is.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

WHOZ DIZ WANKER!



On a serious note...kinda feel wierd seeing how old my childhood heros have become.

Bruce Lee did not die of unknown causes. He died of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris would smite you where you stand, but he's currently preoccupied completing a solar-system-roundhouse-kick for Nasa to collect dust particles.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

SPACE exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

Not sure what to make of this though

When Chuck Norris donates blood, he declines the syringe and asks for a handgun and a bucket.

Chuck Norris can multiply any two numbers together and the answer is always one...one round house kick to the face.

Before he goes to bed at night, the Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

In Jurassic Park, while the people were running from the T-Rex, the T-Rex was running from Chuck Norris.

Nice Rob! LOL

Was shooting the sh!t with a friend today and got a few more "off the top"..

Chuck Norris whistles bass.

Survivorman is dead! He ran into Chuck Norris..

Bigfoot's newspaper headline, Sep. 9, 2011: Chuck Norris Spotted Again

Aliens officially deny the existence of Chuck Norris.

The first Chuck Norris Roundhouse kick is over 14 billion years old. Scientists call it "The Big Bang"

Chuck Norris invented every colour of the rainbow, except pink, Tom Cruise invented pink.

chewing tobacco is for pussies, Chuck Norris chews concrete.

Chuck Norris is 1/8 Cherokee. This has nothing to with his blood line. He ate an Indian... and a Jeep.

There is no such thing as a tornado. Chuck Norris just really hates trailer parks.

Chuck Norris made the Grand Canyon as a grave for all his victims.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't foolish enough to attack him.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper. Only problem was, it wouldn't take sh!t from anybody.

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe. He holds air hostage.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. That's why there is no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up. He is actually pushing the world down.

Women don't have their periods. Chuck norris rapes every woman once a month. Hence the blood

Chuck Norris doesn't get high... he makes everyone else low

Dinosaurs looked at chuck norris the wrong way just once.

Chuck norris once had a staring contest with the sun.. and won!

One does not simply walk into Chuck Norris...

Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County but the judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not 'attempt' murder.

Chuck Norris can milk a chicken.

DSMs can make the crankwalk, Chuck Norris makes the crank RUN!

^^^
Thread over!